Yes, folks, this isn't any cheap X-rated movie or any fifth-rate porno play.
This is the show you want - Lady Divine's Cavalcade of Perversions,
the sleaziest show on earth.
Not actors, not paid impostors,
but real, actual filth who have been carefully screened
in order to present to you the most flagrant violation of natural law known to man.
- Hey, where the fuck are we anyway today? - MAN: Timonium, I think.
- Where's a match? - We gonna do that pyramid shot like yesterday?
I hope not. I can't take that crap again.
What time's the show start anyway? Where's my blouse?
- Hey, give me my blouse. - Where's Divine? Anybody seen Divine?
MAN: Where's Divine?
These assorted sluts, fags, dykes and pimps know no bounds!
They have committed acts against God and nature,
acts that by their mere existence would make any decent person recoil in disgust.
You want to see them and we've got them!
Every possible thing you can think of.
Come on, ladies. Come right up this way.
Come see Lady Divine's Cavalcade. Come on!
- Hmm. What's this? - I don't know.
- Come see the show. -(women chattering)
EMCEE: Master of ceremonies here.
Lady Divine's Cavalcade of Perversions. Step right up.
- What kind of show is it? - Does it cost?
EMCEE: It's free. Absolutely free, this show, yes.
- Do we have time? - We have some time, but I don't know.
Step right in. You have time. See the whole thing.
All right. Come on. Let's go. It's free.
I don't know.
EMCEE: You too. Come on!
Step up. Come on. This is Lady Divine's Cavalcade.
I'm gonna show you a little show, so step right in.
- Do you think we have time before lunch? - Maybe a few minutes.
- This isn't one of those sex shows, is it? - You'll see, sir, you'll see.
- I don't wanna see it. - Come, please. Go right in.
Lady Divine's Cavalcade.
(moaning)
(women chattering, gasping)
(moaning)
(chattering, gasping continues)
(men moaning)
-(patrons gasping, chattering) -(woman moaning, screaming)
MAN: Yes! Yes!
(chuckling)
- WOMAN: What? -(patrons screaming, gasping)
- You're hurting him! - You're hurting him!
(gasping, chattering continues)
Come on in, folks, 'cause it's about ready to begin.
Lady Divine's Cavalcade of Perversions. You can still see the complete show.
What you will see inside of this tent will make you literally sick.
We got it all and we show it all right inside.
Hurry on in, folks, because there's not much time left to see the complete show.
We've got it all, and it's all about to be seen.
You will witness the actual smut sessions of a pornographer and his slut of a girlfriend
as she, in all of her naked depravity, exposes her sacred reproductive organs
to the ever-probing eye of the flash camera.
(camera shutter clicks)
(cackles)
She must be an addict. They'll do anything!
She's a dyke! Look at those tattoos!
- Ugh! - MAN: What's this obsession with pornography?
- MAN #2: Look at her cunt. -(patrons groaning)
MAN #3: Probably got those crabs.
-(groaning) - Ooh. Looks like she has...
MAN: I can smell it all the way over here.
WOMAN: And drinking that - God, that wine.
- MAN: What a repulsive body! - No wonder she's so fat. Look at her!
No wonder they didn't charge any money to get into this.
-(all chattering) - Cheeseburgers! Cheeseburgers!
Cheeseburgers! Only one dollar! Get your burgers here!
- Want a hamburger? - No decent person would act like that.
Decent? Ha! She doesn't know the meaning of the word “decent.”
Cheeseburgers! Cigarettes! Cheeseburgers!
You know, they were right when they said “filth.”
Come on in! You got about three minutes now left to catch The Puke Eater.
He'll lap it right up for you! He loves it!
- Sounds weird. - EMCEE: It is.
You're weird! lt's sickening.
I'm not going to Pine Street to see someone puke.
Yeah, but they got puke eaters, lesbians, mental patients and stuff.
Come on. You'll see two actual queers kissing each other like lovers, on the lips.
These are actual queers!
(patrons gasping, chattering)
- Ew! Are they really - - They're queers!
- Filthy! - Oh, but he does look masculine.
Oh, but look at George Hamilton!
I've known a couple queers. In fact, I think my hairdresser's a queer.
Ew! Look at that!
Oh, they're actually frenching each other!
-(chattering continues) - They hang at the bus station.
- MAN: Why can't they like women? - They should be put away for that!
Hospital! Psychiatrist! That's what they need!
WOMAN: Oh, gross! lt's sick!
Why don't they like females?
MAN: They wear makeup, I hear.
See an addicted heroin addict
going through the mental and physical agony known as cold turkey.
This particular addict has been hooked for over eight years
and must constantly lie, rape, mug and steal from hardworking wage-earners
in order to satisfy his never-ending crave for hard narcotics.
(patrons gasping, chattering)
- Oh, God! - That poor thing!
(groaning)
EMCEE: Watch as this drug-crazed animal
loses all sense of human dignity and decency.
He will literally become a maniac before your very eyes.
- WOMAN: Ew! A needle! - WOMAN #2: A needle!
Oh, he's coming in with a needle!
-(groaning continues) - Oh, God, what are we gonna do?
- Oh, no! - Ooh, he's going to shoot himself!
- Oh, God! - No!
That is - That is the most dis -
- WOMAN #3: Oh, my God! - No!
-(patrons screaming, pleading) - Oh, you poor soul!
Got any fives?
- Got any aces? - Go fish.
You got any jacks?
Ricky! Ricky!
- Yes, madam? - Bring me something strong.
Something I can get off on.
You're not ready yet? Jesus, it's time to go. You come on in a few minutes.
- No. - Suppose the cops get here? What then?
You can't keep this set up very long. Suppose somebody reports it.
Will you stop badgering me? My nerves are already a wreck without your nagging.
I'm ready. All I have to do is slip into my outfit.
We've done this enough times before. We don't have to worry about anything happening.
But the cops! All we need is one pork chop patrolman who happens to start nosing around.
It's gotta be quick. We have to hurry.
Oh, fuck the cops. They never bust anybody till the show's over.
- And by then... -(emcee groans)
Ricky! Where's my medicine?
- Which ones are these? - Your diet medication, madam.
Oh.
Thank you, Ricky darling.
- Gilbert! Gilbert. - Yes, madam?
- Roll me a few joints before I go on. - Yes, madam.
Me too. My nerves are a wreck.
We both know nothing can go wrong, but I still can't help but be nervous.
- Oh, darling, just relax. - All those shitheads out there.
WOMAN: Get off! Please! I just wanna see Mr. David! I have an audition!
- Who's that? - Probably the cops -
I came like you told me, to audition.
And you must be Lady Divine. I've heard so much about you.
Oh, boys, please remove this little slut from my presence immediately.
How dare you contaminate my dressing room with this little piece of filth?
She is not. She's an autoerotic, a coprophagiac and a gerontophiliac.
I just thought you might be interested in her for the show, that's all.
Yes, and I can start immediately.
I have this great act worked out with this great old man in his late 70s and this mirror.
Well, actually, he's my uncle, but we used to have kind of a thing together.
I heard about this show. I thought, what an ideal setup.
Get her - Ohh! Get her out of here!
- Please, really! My uncle - - Just get her out!
How can you flaunt your cheap little one-night stands in my face, especially at a time like this?
I just thought you might be interested in her for the show, that's all.
Well, I'm not! Now get her out of here before I pull all those hairs out of her head!
- Come on. - Oh, Jesus.
- You, you fool! -(groans)
You get out there too. lt's time for the show to start. And hand me my hose!
It's been time for the show to start for some time.
- What else do you have to do? - I have to slip into my outfit.
- I told you that once. -(groans)
- All you do is nag. - There are not very many people.
But we'll get them.
- Why can't you leave me alone? - Mmm.
- Are you ready? -(scoffs)
You misunderstand everything I do.
- I misunderstand nothing. - Well, we'll talk about it later.
Yes. Much later.
(patrons gasping, groaning)
- Pervert! -(coughing)
Oh, it's horrible!
-(chattering) - Let's get out of here!
- Pervert! - Oh!
- Let's get out of here. - Hey, what is this?
Just a minute. Just a minute.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, you are going to see something
that'll make your eyes pop right our of your head!
Because of so-called guardians of public decency,
we are not permitted to describe to you in any way
the hard-core, live, in-person monstrosity that we have with us tonight.
All I can say, it's a sight that will be not too easily forgotten.
This sight will be branded in your mind forever and ever, this loathsome display.
Ladies and gentlemen, anything else you may have seen will be a mere warm-up
compared to what you are about to see.
You are kindly asked to please follow me into our special display room.
WOMAN: Guess we don't have much choice.
Right this way. There's no extra charge.
Right this way. Don't let them get in his way.
(patrons chattering)
Right up here. Right inside this special display room.
No extra charge whatsoever.
Right in here. Right in here. Right in here.
Come on, ladies, come on. You'll be very happy with this show.
(gasping, groaning)
Get right in. Right inside.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I can say no more.
I give you Lady Divine!
Drop 'em, boys!
(gasping, screaming)
Quiet! Quiet while I'm speaking!
(screaming quiets)
You will not be injured as long as everyone cooperates.
(all whimpering)
Kindly hand over all wallets, jewelry, handbags,
any fur items, all loose change
and any narcotics you may be carrying.
We'll cooperate!
The first person to give anybody any shit will be immediately eliminated!
- Oh! We'll cooperate! - She's sick. We'll never get out of here.
- What did you say? - I said you're sick and repulsive!
And you, my dear, are dead!
-(gunshot) -(Screaming)
I said no shit, and I meant it!
Quiet!
Anybody else got any comments?
- How about you, asshole? - No.
- Huh? - No,no.
Look, look. Please. Please! This girl needs help. She's injured!
She's not injured, honey. She's dead.
- Let's shoot 'em up with some acid! -(patrons screaming)
That sounds like a good idea. A little something for their brains.
Who wants to go on a little trip?
- How about you, honey? -(whimpering continues)
Oh, everybody's doing it, and I'll be your guide.
(screaming continues)
Just begging for a hit. Get her, George! Get her!
(whimpering, screaming continues)
LADY DIVINE: Give me that handbag! Shut up!
Swear there were pocketbooks around here!
- Give me that ring, cunt! - MAN: Give her that ring!
Give me that ring, cunt!
Got her hairpiece!
- Get her! - Get it! Get it!
LADY DIVINE: Got everything? Get her eyelashes!
Get that other turd's hairpiece!
Get it Off!
I oughta pick off a few more of these shits!
Come on! Let's kill 'em all! Let's kill 'em all!
MAN: lt's too late!
- LADY DIVINE: Get away! No! -(screaming continues)
Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!
We're going to be leaving you for a while.
Oh, but remember, we've got all of your identification papers,
so we'll know where to find you in case any of you remember too much
when the pigs question you!
You've caught me in a pleasant mood, and you're lucky!
My friends and I sometimes enjoy a little show ourselves,
and you could I'm sure, with a little persuasion,
have given us quite an interesting little matinee.
LADY DIVINE: Bring the car around!
- Come on. Let's get out of here. - Let's get out of here!
(all chattering)
LADY DIVINE: I oughta go back there and kill 'em!
Let's see what we got!
- What'd you get? - Anybody get any dope?
LADY DIVINE: Oh! They don't deserve to live!
-(chattering continues) - Let's get out of here!
I oughta go back there and pick off some more of their shit, is what I oughta do.
Sit down here and relax. Don't you worry about anything.
Oh, Christ. More cheap costume stuff?
- A box of Norforms! - From who?
- Here's some diet pills. - She only had 250.
- Plenty of broads back there. - He must really stink by now.
Geez! This sucks!
- Here's a fake ID for you. - What ugly children they have!
-(gasps) Whoo! - A credit card.
- Anybody get any dope? -l'm tired of getting this trash.
MAN: Did anybody get any dope?
(chattering continues)
WOMAN: We gotta take all this shit out!
- All right, well, hurry up! - Be over later!
- What'd you get? Can I have some? - Wait till we get back to the car.
Mr. David! Mr. David! Psst!
Mr. David! Mr. David!
- Jesus. - Mr. David!
What are you doing here, trying to get us both killed?
You must be freezing, Ricky darling. Put some clothes on.
Yes, ma'am, it is chilly.
- Wait till the car or get dressed here? - Oh, whichever you like.
Get dressed here. But hurry.
(gasps) I think I'm beginning to get upset again. My nerves are cracking.
I'm getting too old to play the circuit. I'm sick. I'm tired of this show.
We oughta just pick 'em up and shoot them.
Yes, fuck all this Cavalcade of Perversion shit.
Just pick 'em up off the street, tie 'em up and kill 'em.
We could move a lot faster that way. Three or four loads a day.
I could get rid of all these tent rentals and all these other people in the show
and it could all be mine to do with as I please.
What are you trying to do, get us both killed? I told you to get out of here. I told you!
Mr. David, I have to see you again.
- I want to perform acts with you. -(sighs)
- Now! - You know that's impossible.
Oh, please, please.
Oh, God! Goddamn it!
Listen, we should meet later at Pete's Bar on Broadway.
You know where that is. Around 2:00.
Yes, I know where it is, and I'm going to go there right now and wait.
If I have to wait for a hundred hours, I won't budge until I see your face.
Look, I don't care where you go now. Go anywhere. Just get the fuck out of here.
Mr. David!
L'm only trying to protect you.
You don't know what she's capable of doing. She's getting worse.
Every minute she's alive, she's getting worse and worse.
I would risk anything to be with you again. Anything!
Just leave. Go to Pete's. l'll be there as soon as I can get away.
- But just get out of - - Hurry, Mr. David.
'Cause I want to perform acts with you more than anything in this whole wide world.
And it makes me sad to hear of you being so upset because of that Lady Divine.
She's not a very friendly person.
But I gotta admit she sure is beautiful and glamorous.
But I bet she couldn't do some of the things that we can do.
(sighs)
You'll feel better when we get back to the house.
- Where's David? - Just get a car!
- Who's that? - None of your business!
Keep your filthy nose out of other people's affairs.
Haven't said a word.
- And where have you been? - Been taking a piss. Do you mind?
Yes, I mind, because I know you're part of it!
- Part of what? - Trying to purposely get on my nerves.
I know that, yes. Of purposely trying to annoy me!
Well, I'm not going to have it. I'm not going to put up with it, no.
I'm just not going to put up with it another minute.
You think just because I've known you for six years
that I won't suspect you of trying to get on my nerves?
- Well, I know it's you now. - You suspect me?
You're getting on my nerves. The whole show's getting on - I can't do it anymore.
-L'm out of here. - What, are you chicken? ls that it?
-L'm sick of hanging around with you. - Lost your nerve? Ah, yes.
- I got better sense. - Yeah.
You're not man enough to stay around with me, baby.
- L'm not fool enough to stay around with you. - Ah, well, then get lost.
I just can't stand it.
If you don't control yourself a little better, you're not going to make it.
You're just not gonna make it. lt's bad enough doing these things week after week.
(sighs)
But you're just making it worse for yourself and making everybody else nervous.
I wish somebody'd stop and think about me once in a while.
If it wasn't for me, you'd still be in Boston doing poodle-nappings from those old bitches.
If it wasn't for me, all the other people in this show'd still be on the street,
snatching purses and committing sex crimes.
And if it wasn't for me, you'd be in jail.
- Do you want a tranquilizer? - I don't need any tranquilizers.
As far as the police are concerned, you're the one who's going to end up in jail.
Killing people isn't too bright when we're doing this kind of thing.
I should have killed them all. I wish I could go back there right now -
Do you think that makes me afraid of you, makes me listen to your ranting and raving?
Well, let me make one thing clear.
If you can't control yourself a little better, the jig's up and the show's over.
- The police aren't stupid. - Shit. “Aren't stupid.”
That's right. They know we're not stopping here.
They know that the last three shows we've done, somethings happened.
You are wanted for murder now, and they usually catch murderers.
Oh, and how about you, Mr. Angel? How about your being an accomplice?
And how about Sharon Tate? How about that?
I told you never to mention that again!
Jesus! I don't remember anything about that.
I do not remember it, and I will not have you mentioning it.
Well, I just wanted to let you know that I hadn't forgotten.
Had yourself a real ball that night, didn't you?
- Stop it! - Yes, sir. A regular little orgy.
- You were there. - Ah, but I didn't do what you did.
'Shut up! Stop it! - P-I-G!
You're going to jail! If I go to jail, it'll be for other things.
And if I go to jail, I just might start remembering.
That's why I'm holding you responsible for what happens to me.
Because if I start remembering, honey, I might have to crack that Tate case for 'em.
What have I got to lose?
- That isn't even funny. - I didn't mean it to be funny.
- Who's Sharon Tate? - It doesn't matter, darling.
- Go fix yourself a sandwich. -ls there any baloney in there?
And some cheese. Anything you want. Just go ahead, fix yourself a sandwich.
- Now do you see what you've done? - Yes!
- Oh, Christ. -(woman giggling)
LADY DIVINE: Cookie! Cookie!
Is that my little Cookie, darling?
- Why isn't she in school? - Because I told her to quit and she did.
-(speakers: rock 'n' roll) - Jesus.
Is that your idea of a good time? Destroying your own daughter?
Oh, yes, Officer, yes! I have a confession to make!
It's about my boyfriend, Mr. David.
He's sick. Very, very sick.
And he's done something very, very bad.
Oh, please help him! Please help him!
Yes, he did something to the most beautiful girl in Hollywood!
-(laughing) - Jesus, you make me - you make me sick!
N' (rock 'n' roll continues)
m: (stops)
Hey, Ma. I was so worried about you. You been gone so long.
I'm glad you got back safely.
Oh, Ma, this is Steve. He's a Weatherman. I met him in DC during the riots.
Steve, this is my mother, Miss Divine.
She's gonna stay with me for a week or two while she's in town.
- Hey. - Hello, Steve.
- How'd it go today? You get me anything? - Yeah. Some jewelry and a couple bucks.
Oh, wow, I love jewelry.
Mmm. If I'd known you were entertaining, I'd have brought something home for Steve.
A Weatherman? Mmm. You must be a very brave young man.
It takes a lot of courage and nerve to do all the wonderful things that you all do.
But my little Cookie has excellent taste.
Cookie here filled me in on your show.
It sounds really great. Did you get any pigs today?
- Yeah, honey, a few. - Wish I'd have got some.
Oh, don't be silly. You don't have time for show business.
It's more important that you're out there protecting me and my kind of people.
You know what I mean.
It's comforting to know that the Weatherman is out there doing his job.
You gotta stick up for our kind.
I wish I could be that political, but I'm so involved with the show.
But I guess that's doing my part.
But I've gotten rid of quite a few shits myself.
- Where's Mr. David and Ricky? - Mmm!
Cookie, I've been wanting to talk to you about Mr. David. He's downstairs.
He's been getting on my nerves though lately and purposely trying to rile me.
And encourages insubordination amongst the other actors.
- Kick him out then. - STEVE: Kill his ass.
- But then I won't have a boyfriend. - You can find another one. lt's real easy.
Like Steve here. We just kinda ran into each other.
Yeah, it was really weird.
This tear gas had gone off,
and me and this other cat were after this pork we had been watching.
Cookie came over with this Vaseline for our faces.
Then we ran down to this clump of bushes next to the Justice Department
and smeared Vaseline all over our faces.
- And wet handkerchiefs on our mouths. - LADY DIVINE: Mmm.
- Then we just laid there and made love. - And fucked.
And it was really strange, 'cause we were blinded from the tear gas.
All the pigs were running, people were yelling, freaks were throwing bottles.
Yeah, we were fucked up from inhaling all this Freon shit they had there.
I didn't even know we were in Washington.
Yeah, I think a pig actually did see us because we lied there for a while afterwards.
Then when we got up to leave I looked over at this police car
and I saw a couple pigs and their buddies sitting there looking real horny and all.
Yeah, but, like, they didn't bust us though.
Then we went down to this pig bank, busted all these big windows, lit some fires,
and then we hitchhiked home.
I got some really out-of-sight dope. Want some?
Oh, yes, darling. Might calm my nerves some.
It does me good to talk to you. At least I know I have a wonderful daughter I can be proud of.
Which is more than I can say for that boyfriend of mine.
- Want me to go hassle his ass for you? - Oh, no, not in front of Ricky, honey.
You'll only upset him.
-(sighs) - Here. Have one of these for your nerves.
- It's the best shit I've had in months. - Oh, thank you.
(phone ringing)
Pete's.
Yes. Yeah, there's a blonde in here.
Hey, blondie. Telephone call.
For me? For me? Oh, thank you!
Hello, this is Mr. David.
Listen, I'll be there as soon as I can. lt's very difficult to get away from here now.
I have to talk to you. lt's very important.
Oh, yes, I'll wait right here until you get here.
Oh, yes, yes. This is a nice club.
Everyone here is treating me so nice. But I miss you.
- Please hurry. - Okay .
Just don't talk to anybody. I'll be there as soon as I can.
You know, Cookie, Mr. David doesn't really like you.
Oh, I don't like him much either.
Ever since we've been going together, he uses you to throw it in my face.
He says I'm fucking you up.
Well, I'm glad you did. That fart. I couldn't be happier.
I have a wonderful apartment, a beautiful mother and a great boyfriend.
And dealings been good lately.
Mmm! You dealing grass, honey?
- Here, hook Mom up. - Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Grass and speed when I got it.
I almost made $200 last week, and that was a down week.
Yeah, and that beats working, that's for damn sure.
- Would you care for anything else, honey? - Oh, no. No, thank you.
Well, you just can't sit here with nothing to drink.
- A Coke. A Coke will be fine. - Coke it is.
- Mr. David! - Let's go over to this table. lt'll be quiet.
I don't mind. This is really a nice club. I've never been here before.
- It all depends on your mood. - Aren't you in a good mood?
A shaky mood, I guess. You have no idea what it's been like with her lately.
She's gone completely out of control.
Why was Lady Divine so mean to me today?
You didn't amuse her, that's all.
- Why did you tell me to come there then? - I thought she might fall for it.
Then we could have seen each other every day. We wouldn't have to go through all this shit.
It would've been so much easier.
What if she had fallen for it? I don't have an uncle and all that for the show.
We could've fixed it up.
I think I'm going to leave Lady Divine.
Oh, Mr. David, how wonderful.
Wonderful, yeah. But she'd kill me on the spot if she knew.
Or else have me arrested or something.
That's so cruel of her. What could she have you arrested for?
Hundreds of things. There's hardly a law I haven't violated at some time or another.
She'd just make one up if she wasn't satisfied.
Why can't we just go to California or Mexico?
She'd never find us there, and then we could have each other.
But she would find us.
We wouldn't even get 100 miles out of town before she'd have the police out.
Oh, why do we have to go through all this?
I don't care where we go.
Please, Mr. David. Let's get a room upstairs so we can perform acts.
I feel lonely without you and I miss you.
And alls you ever do is talk about Lady Divine.
I hate her. She's making you miserable and me miserable. Let's kill her!
Shh! Quiet! Keep your voice down. This place is crawling with cops.
She has spies everywhere. She'll be notified.
Miss Cookie Divine's number, please.
No, no. I don't have her address.
Yes. Yes.
235-2354.
Thank you very much.
(ringing)
LADY DIVINE: I'll get it.
Hello.
Speaking.
This is Edith from down Pete's.
I don't want to cause you no trouble or nothing,
but I thought you would like to know
that, uh, your - your old man is down here with another broad.
A blonde?
Thank you very much.
That bastard!
L'll get him this time if it's the last thing I do.
- COOKIE: Mother, what's wrong? - Oh, God!
- What's wrong? - Mother's going out for a while.
- What's wrong? What's the matter? -(sighs) That bastard.
- Mr. David? - Yes!
Don't worry about a thing, Mom. Just change the locks.
I'm afraid it's not that simple, Cookie.
Listen, l'll be back later.
M: (rock 'n' roll)
(background singer shouting) Yeah! Oh, yeah!
(background singers shouting)
-.I'.I' (continues) -(shouting continues)
N (continues)
(no audible dialogue)
-.I'.I' (continues) -(singers continue shouting)
(no audible dialogue)
N' (fades)
LADY DIVINE: l was in agony.
I had been raped before, but never in such an unnatural and brutal way.
Only because of David's arrogance could those two guttersnipes think
they could get away with something like this.
Ohh! Oh.
Ohh! Oh. Oh!
And then, to my horror and amazement,
the Infant of Prague appeared before me!
Oh! His angelic gaze hypnotized me.
I was dumbstruck!
How had he gotten to Bond Street?
How did he know I needed him at this very moment?
Had God sent him to me as some sort of a sign?
This could only prove that my suspicions of Mr. David's betrayal were not unfounded
and that my decision to murder him had been approved in the heavens above.
I took his outstretched hand and let him lead me.
I literally put my future into this little saint's hands.
He kept mumbling, “The more you honor me, the more I will bless you.”
I didn't know what to do.
It was the first time in my life that providence had actually helped me to carry out my plans.
He led me for, it seemed, blocks.
I could not speak. My head was spinning.
I could not believe that this had actually happened to me.
l! was almost as if my guardian angel had re vealed himself to me
after so many years of uncertainty.
He led me to a church - St. Cecilia's, I later found out -
as if he meant for me to go in.
For what, I wondered. To pray?
To mumble a few words of thanks for his help?
To examine my conscience?
Only no w do I realize this great saint had led me to a church
that was to change my life
from the very moment I stepped into its hallowed halls.
I went in, not knowing what to expect, and paused to light a candle.
Oh, Jesus! Oh, Mary!
Oh, St. Joseph! Oh, Moses!
Thank you for sending a divine messenger in my time of physical and spiritual trouble.
Before the infant appeared to me,
I felt what you could even call remorse for the fact that Mr. David's time was obviously up.
And now, thanks to your guidance,
I realized that one should always follow their own conscience
regarding utmost personal matters such as these.
/ took a seat in the back of the church
and tried for the first time in my life
to make some $011 of spiritual contact with my maker.
Did he hear me? Even now I can't be sure.
But the events that followed in this lovely little chapel
can only be described as beyond mortal coincidence.
I tried to re call some of the Bible stories I had learned as a child.
I thought of the time Jesus spoke to a large crowd of devoted followers
who had come to listen to him preach.
“The people are like sheep without a shepherd, ” he said.
“I want you to go out by the twos to preach and heal the sick, as I have done.
Do not be worried about what to say, for the spirit of God will speak through you.”
/ concentrated on the multitude of sinners gathered to hear this great man speak.
I realized a young couple was nearby,
giggling at me and mocking my devoted plea,
but I ignored them for what they were - mere fools!
Can't a decent woman even pray in peace without morons gawking at her unashamedly?
The only way to ignore them was to submerge myself in religious thought.
The people were starving,
but the only food available was five loaves of bread and two fishes.
Everyone laughed when Jesus said this would be enough.
“What good is that for such a crowd as this ?” John asked.
But then, with one sweep of Jesus' magical hand,
this mere amount was turned into a huge supply of food,
enough to feed the entire crowd.
The people were amazed. “It's a miracle!” they cried.
And their conclusions were not unjust,
as it became plain that there actually was enough food
to feed the multitude of people that had gathered there.
This great story moved me to such great lengths
that I tried to reflect on my own life and its religious connotations.
Oh, St. Matthew!
Oh, St. Jude! Oh, St. Cecilia!
I honor you with all my heart and soul,
but at the same time it is hard to bow down my head to you in prayer.
My conscience is so immaculately clean that I fear I nitpick
when trying to search my soul for any immoral acts that I may have committed.
I can only feel a sort of comradeship towards all of you.
I mean, yes, I realize you have lived entirely chaste lives,
but I myself have done practically the same thing
since the days of my first holy communion.
I realize that some more uneducated members of the clergy
would be quick to point out that I have murdered, robbed
and whored myself almost daily,
but they fail to realize the clear conscience I have done it all with.
Even when I leave this church,
I plan to murder the man who has been closest to me.
It was about this time that I realized my thoughts were not entirely my own.
Even as the mental picture of Christ's great miracle dawned on me,
I felt it being sucked out by some unknown presence in this church.
I dared not turn around to confront this personality
that was robbing me of my pious thoughts
and forcing me back into my everyday search for self-gratification at whatever cost possible.
I tried to bury my mind in prayer.
Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women.
She coughed, as if to attract my attention to wards her,
and gave me a lewdly religious glare.
I realized that I had not discouraged her one bit,
but continued to pray.
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Forgive us this day -
I thought of the time Jesus prayed in the garden.
“O my father, if thou be willing,
remove this agony from me.
Nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done.”
Nearby, the apostles laid fast asleep,
exhausted after a 24-hour prayer session.
It was then that I realized that my thoughts were once again being picked up
by this lady behind me.
Her presence was everywhere!
I once again tried to rid my mind with prayer.
Our father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Jesus tried to wake the apostles.
“Arise,” he said.
“One who is about to betray me is near.”
But they continued to sleep, and Jesus continued to pray.
“Oh, St. John! Oh, St. Peter!
Oh, St. Bernadette!
Help my mind not to wander.”
Jesus prayed harder,
all the while knowing exactly the horror that was about to befall him.
A s Jesus prayed, Judas leads a couple of Roman soldiers into the garden
and, according to his agreement,
identified Jesus with a kiss.
The soldiers began to beat him and strip him,
all the while yelling horrible racial remarks to him.
Judas merely cowered at the realization of what he had done.
When the disciples see Jesus making no use of his supernatural tendencies,
they run for their lives!
Jesus is then taken by the guards and stripped of his garments
by these cruel soldiers.
No torture is too hideous for them.
They beat him with chains and whips for hours on end
until his flesh is lashed and streaked with blood.
And all the time Jesus could have used his powers to free himself from these tortures.
But the torture was part of the sacrifice that he gave for all men,
a sacrifice that will always be remembered as long as mankind survives.
Oh, St. Ursula! Oh, St. Philip!
Oh, St. Catherine of Siena! Oh, St. Bernadette!
By this time, l had picked up a strong sexual vibration from the lady behind me,
and I felt it was only proper to move away.
It seemed nothing would make her stop.
Not personally enjoying sexual encounters with members of the same sex,
I made every possible move to discourage her.
She seemed so sure of herself,
something that I naturally admire in people
since I possess this same strong characteristic myself.
Although lesbianism has never really appealed to me,
there still was an aura about her that attracted me to her,
even in all my distaste for such perversion.
After carefully considering it,
I decided that since the Infant of Prague himself had brought me to this church
I should more or less let fate have its way.
I felt that if I cooperated with this mysterious woman,
I could somehow benefit spiritually from the experience.
Little did I know what she had in mind.
I felt her hand reach down and touch my leg, not at all casually,
and I realized it was too late for social introduction.
This lady had a grip on me that even now I find it hard to describe.
She kissed me as if Christ himself had ordered every move of her experienced tongue.
l! was suddenly - I was suddenly uncontrollable!
And although she had only said seven words to me,
these words proved to be the key to the most satisfying sexual experience of my entire life.
WOMAN". Think about the stations of the cross!
LADY DIVINE: It was then that I realized
that she was using her rosary as a tool of erotic pleasure.
(moaning) She made me get into a kneeling position.
My head was spinning.
And all at once she inserted her rosary
into one of my most private parts.
(both moaning)
WOMAN". Second station - Jesus is made to carry his cross.
Consider how Jesus is making this journey with the cross on his shoulders,
thought of us and offered up to his father the death he was about to undergo.
My most beloved Jesus,
I embrace all the tribulations thou has destined for me until death.
I beseech thee by the merits of the pain that is suffering, carrying thy cross.
-(both continue moaning) - Third station - Jesus falls the first time.
Consider the first fall of Jesus under his cross.
His flesh was torn by the scourges, his head crowned with thorns,
and he had lost a great quantity of blood.
He was so weakened that he could scarcely walk.
And yet he had to carry -
Fourth station - Jesus meets his afflicted mother.
Consider the meeting of the son and his mother, which took place on this journey.
Jesus and Mary looked at each other -
(both continue moaning loudly)
WOMAN". Fifth station - Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus to carry his cross.
Consider how the Jews, seeing that at each step
Jesus, from weakness, was on the point of expiring,
and fearing that he would die on the way
when they wished him to die the ignominious death on the cross,
constrained Simon the Cyrenian to carry the cross behind Our Lord.
My most beloved Jesus, I will not refuse the cross as the Cyrenian did.
I accept it. I embrace it.
I accept in particular the death thou has destined for me,
with all the pains which may accompany it.
I unite it to thy death. I offer it to thee.
Thou hast found the love of me - (moanmgp
Sixth station - Veronica wipes the face of Jesus.
Consider how the holy woman named Veronica,
seeing Jesus so afflicted and his face bathed in sweat and blood,
presented him with a towel with which he wiped his adorable face.
- Seventh station - Jesus falls the second time. -(both continue moaning)
Consider the second fall of Jesus under the cross,
a fall which renews the pain of all the wounds that afflicted him.
My most gentle Jesus, how many times thou has pardoned me,
and how many times have I fallen again and begun again to offend thee?
(both continue moaning loudly)
Eighth station - Jesus speaks to the women of Jerusalem.
Consider how these women worshipped with compassion
at seeing Jesus in such a pitiable state,
streaming with blood as he walked along.
But Jesus said to them, “Weep not for me, but for your children. ”
But Jesus' legs... (moamng)
Ninth station - Jesus falls the third time.
Tenth station - Jesus is stripped of his garments.
Consider the violence with which the executioners stripped Jesus.
Eleventh station - Jesus is nailed to the cross.
Consider how Jesus, after being thrown on the cross, extended his hands
-and... Twel... -(both continue moaning loudly)
(both screaming passionately)
Twelfth station - Jesus dies on the cross.
Consider how Jesus, after three hours' agony on the cross,
consumed...
(moaning subsides)
MAN: J' He '.s got everybody here right in his hands ♪
♪ >J' He's got everybody here right in his hands' ♪
♪ >J' He's got the whole world in his hands' ♪
♪ >J' He's got the whole world' ♪
♪ >J' In his hands' ♪
♪ >J' He's got the whole wide world' ♪
♪ >J' In his hands' ♪
♪ >J' He's got the whole world' ♪
♪ >J' In his hands' ♪
♪ >J' He's got the whole world' ♪
♪ >J' In his hands' ♪
♪ >J' He's got the whole world in his hands' ♪
♪ >J' He's got the whole world' ♪
♪ >J' In his hands JV'
God, it's snowing or something.
- You want to go get a drink somewhere? - Well, no, I would, but...
- You got any money? - No, not a cent on me.
Well, can I kind of hang out with you for a while today?
L'm supposed to meet somebody up St. Ursula's later,
but that's not till tonight.
I don't like to get there too early 'cause I'm heaty up St. Ursula's.
Oh, I've never done anything like that before. It was wonderful.
Everybody says that once they get into it.
Oh, but I don't even know your name.
It's Mink, but lots of people just call me the Religious Whore.
Oh, Mink, it was a wonderful experience.
Well, I'm pretty good at it.
As a matter of fact, it's the only thing I ever do,
so I guess I should be pretty skilled by now, huh?
(chuckles) Do you live around here?
We should walk, 'cause people are staring.
Well, sometimes. I mean, I don't have my own place or anything.
I usually sleep in churches. You know, in the confessionals.
They lock all the churches up at night now because of all the thieves.
And they never check the confessionals.
Saturday nights are the only problem and nights before holy days
because of early masses the next day.
And Lent... Shit, forget it. I gotta hang in synagogues then.
And it's just not the same thing, if you know what I mean.
- Yeah. - What's your name?
Oh, Lady Divine, but you can just call me Divine.
How do you get your money? Do you usually charge?
No! The poor boxes. It says “poor box,” and I'm poor.
L'm heaty most places though.
Like up Immaculate Conception. I almost got caught there once.
- Mmm. - And over at St. Teresa's.
They heard about me, so whenever I come in, they send up a nun to snoop around.
But I got a nun once, and let me tell you, it was just what she needed.
Oh, please. Please, Mink! People will stare.
- Hey, I thought we had a thing going. - Oh, we do. We do, Mink.
- But first I've got to find my husband. - What? Your husband?
- You've got a husband? - Well, no, actually, he's just my boyfriend.
- But we're through now. - Then why find him?
I have to, that's all. Just have to. And I know where he is.
- Well, I'm gonna walk up... - No, don't! Please, Mink.
You've got to help me once I find him.
Oh, Mr. David.
This is even better than amyl nitrate.
It's better than Carbona.
It's even better than heroin!
(Mr. David panting)
MR. DAVID: Go slow. Go slow.
Oh!
Turn over.
Oh, Jesus! This is even better than last time.
If only we could perform acts 24 hours a day.
Oh, that would be supreme happiness.
Oh!
(moaning)
(coughing)
You've been fuckin' somebody else.
Oh, no, no, I haven't, Mr. David.
Not since that last time with you at the movie theater.
Somebody's been there.
No! No, not since we saw Inga together.
- I swear. - You're lying. Some...
How could I? I've never had an experience like that before.
Somebody has.
No, I swear.
Well, no man has.
No one has been near my private parts...
except for this old lady that I met on the bus.
You've been lying all along.
Oh, no. No, I haven't, Mr. David.
It was just that she was so old, I felt bad for her.
I only let her... Well, you know.
It was no big production or anything. It was on the bus and all.
Yeah. No, it's almost better than what we did at Inga.
Oh, no, Mr. David. Nothing could be better than that.
Yeah. Do you remember that usher?
Do you think he saw us?
Well, he saw the dildo.
(moaning)
You do it better than anybody.
Mr. David, performing acts is my specialty.
Turn over.
He's going to regret having ever met me once I get a hold of him.
And I know where he is. Come on, Mink.
That slimy little pig fucker. Oh!
If it hadn't been for those two idiots from the cavalcade jumping me...
Imagine, two against one. Real fair.
Well, if they hadn't, he'd be dead right now.
The little hussy'd be right alongside of him.
The cavalcade? Oh, wow! Are you from the Cavalcade of Perversion?
I read about that in the morning paper.
I run it, baby. lt's my show.
Oh, Jesus. You're my first celebrity I ever gave a rosary job to.
And at St. Cecilia's!
Oh, wow! Imagine!
Well, one of the masters of ceremonies is about to be eliminated.
- Well, how? Are you going to do it? - Yes, I am.
(gasps) Oh, you're going to do it? Oh, please let me come. Please.
I've wanted to perform Extreme Unction on someone all my life.
Oh, please, Lady Divine, I'll do anything you ask.
Just please let me come. Please!
I don't give a shit who comes.
All I know is once I find him, I'm going to make sure he doesn't walk out of that room alive.
He's gotten on my nerves one time too many.
I don't care if you throw a party for it.
I wish I'd had a chance to call all my friends and invite them over to watch.
I wish I had a movie camera so I could record every second of it
so afterwards, I could just sit and gaze at all my lovely work.
Oh, that cheesy little streetwalker.
Neither one of them deserve an ounce more oxygen running through their putrid little lungs.
I hope they've had their fun because it'll be the last fun they'll ever experience.
Oh, he's with another girl. A double ceremony!
Oh, Lady Divine, this will be my supreme day on earth.
I've wanted to perform Extreme Unction on someone since I was seven years old.
And now, not only one body to bless, but two!
Oh, Lady Divine, you're going to make me a very, very happy girl.
Mr. David, am I better than Lady Divine?
Different. Just completely different.
Yeah, I guess Lady Divine's what you men would call “a real piece.”
Well...
she's lost all the sex appeal I thought she might have had when we met.
Does she love you?
Well, she used to, but now I think she's incapable of even liking anybody.
I don't even want to think about it. She's keeping us apart.
She didn't used to be such a monster.
When I met her -
When was it? 1963.
She was just an ordinary shoplifter with lots of fun inside, you know?
What were you, though?
Oh, well, I was unemployed.
I always was till I met her.
She taught me all the ropes -
dog-napping, phony credit cards,
blackmail, swindling, drug dealing.
Mmm.
But then she got really shaky, you know?
She became so hostile.
You couldn't depend on her just to pull off a job and then split.
No, she'd always have to stick around and rough 'em up.
Then...
Well, you know, it was like all the places we did -
She never picked anyplace because of the amount of money on hand
or how much she'd get out of it.
It was always the person that ran it.
She didn't like something about 'em - their looks or their voice, anything.
That would be the place we'd have to rob.
Then she got really bad.
She killed a cop.
It was really stupid.
He was just standing there, directing traffic,
and she was in a particularly shitty mood.
She had a new Eldorado then. She was making good money.
He was standing there, and she just headed right for him,
floored it and ran him right down.
Oh. Why we didn't get nailed for that one, l'll never know.
It was awful.
She flattened him like a pancake.
There were schoolchildren around and screams, just noise.
And she just laughed and went on.
We heard the ambulance sirens, but she just reached over
and turned up the radio.
It made her happy. She loved it.
From that day on, if she gets to kill a cop, it's one of her most satisfying days.
Didn't anyone get your plates?
I don't know. She abandoned the car the next day.
She always used to get dressed up real straight.
You know, like a schoolteacher or something,
and go to a Cadillac dealer.
She always had plenty of ID from the Cavalcade.
We always had lots of it.
Then go in and ask to test-drive a used car.
Or a new one, you know. She preferred the new ones.
And she'd just take it out and never come back.
She used to do it, you know, every city we went to every few days.
Oh, Mr. David, I can't think of anything but to kill her.
Well, we're together now, aren't we?
I mean living together, day in and day out.
Well, I'm afraid of her.
I try not to let her know, but I am.
I've seen her in action for too many years.
If she found us, she'd kill us both. We'd be through.
That would be self-defense. We'd have to.
Bonnie, have - have you ever killed anyone before?
No, I haven't.
But it would be something new.
Something for me to prove to you how much I love you.
- A gift from me to you. - Mmm.
But how would we do it? How?
Haven't you ever killed anyone?
Well...
I've been with Lady Divine many times when she has.
It used to upset me, but... I have to let her do it now.
I dread it, but not as much as before.
She claims I did once, but I can't remember anything about it.
It's just a blank, you know?
We were in Hollywood, and...
Oh, Bonnie.
I don't like to talk about it.
Oh, Mr. David, I'm sorry, really.
But if you had killed someone, you would remember it.
I can't though. I honestly can't.
Then l'll do it all by myself.
It's the only way I have to prove to you how much I cherish our relationship.
If you did that for me...
I could never ask another thing from you.
Then it's settled.
Well, get dressed.
We'll have to do it now, or else I'll lose my nerve.
Okay. But how?
Well... she'll be home.
We can go there.
You wait outside the door. l'll go in. l'll leave it unlocked.
L'll go in. l'll try to talk to her, try and get her to calm down.
We have to catch her off-guard, or else it won't work.
There's a gun in the car. I'll give it to you.
L'll go in, and I'll - I'll try to make love to her.
And then... l'll cough loudly.
That'll be your signal.
You come in quietly, and then l'll jump up...
and you shoot her.
And then it'll be over.
Oh, we'll just leave her there. She's wanted for so many murders.
The police won't even care who killed her.
She...
And then... oh...
But, Bonnie, you have to do it.
I mean, I realize I'm guilty, just the same as you are,
but I can't.
I... just can't.
Mr. David, it sounds fantastic.
Let's go there right now. Get dressed.
Will anybody else be there?
Just Cookie, her daughter.
But she goes out eventually. She goes out every day.
She's a whore, just like her mother.
Divine saw to that from the day she was born.
Phew.
Funny girl.
But she won't be there.
Mr. David,
after this is all over,
I'm going to show you what happiness is all about.
Where would you like to go? California? Mexico?
Anywhere you like.
We'll lead a life of constant acts performed to perfection.
It's our only chance.
I love you so fucking much, I could shit.
- This is the place. - Pete's? I was there once.
- A lot of hippies go there. - Yeah?
I know two who are gonna be leaving real soon.
Come on! Open up this dump! Come on!
- Suppose no one answers? - They'll answer. They're in there.
Come on before I kick the door in.
Hold on, hold on. Oh, it's you, Lady Divine.
- Where are they? - They left 15 minutes ago.
- Are you lying to me? - I ain't lying.
I called you, didn't I?
They took a room upstairs after I called you.
And, uh, you didn't - I thought you'd be here sooner.
I would have, but I had some complications.
Uh-oh. We got company.
Okay, girls. Let's have some ID papers.
- Got something for me today, Edith? - Oh, yes, yes.
That's all I have today, is a 20.
You better get the rest to me soon. Unless you've changed your mind, huh?
No, no. l'll have the rest for you at the end of the week.
- What for? What did we do? - Come on, let's have some ID.
I don't recognize you girls from around this neighborhood.
We don't like your kind around here much.
If you know what's good for you, you won't be walking the streets down here.
Suppose you let me make up my mind for myself, okay, copper?
Get smart with me, lady, I'm gonna run your ass in.
I don't have any ID papers, Officer, but we didn't do anything.
Yet, you mean. I know your type. You're “lezbeen” hookers.
We don't like no lezzies in this neighborhood, so if you're smart,
you'll get on a bus and go uptown or where you came from -
- Hey _ -before I run you in.
You're talkin' to a lady.
You better watch your language, pig, before I turn you into a piece of bacon.
Come on, Mink. The bus stop's down here.
Why aren't you out catchin' criminals and murderers?
- L'm worried about Mother. - For what?
That shithead Mr. David's giving her trouble.
I told her to get rid of him. He's an asshole!
She doesn't need the aggravation. She's not herself lately.
I mean, she's usually always jumpy, but not quite this bad.
All I can say is I wish somebody'd give me my pay.
- She'll pay ya. - But when?
She made plenty in DC last week, and she didn't give me anything.
(doorknob rattling, door closes)
Oh, maybe this is Mom. Mom? Mom.
- Where is your mother? - She's out. What do you care?
Don't be smart. Remember who you're talking to.
- And who's that? - Your mother's boyfriend, and don't forget it.
- I think Mother's forgotten. - What is that supposed to mean?
And, Rick, what do you think you're doing?
Lying here on the couch, relaxing and taking dope. Jesus.
Don't you ever wear clothes anymore? Or are you some kind of a nudist or something?
I mean, you had one trick earlier. Wasn't that enough?
- I mean, your mother's employees. - Oh, get out of my face, will you?
Remember, this is my apartment,
and I'm being gracious enough to let you stay here.
It's only my mother's sake that I'm letting you stay here.
And if it wasn't for-
If you ever came to my door, I wouldn't even answer it.
I wonder how your mother would appreciate this kind of behavior.
Oh, what kind of behavior?
Laying around all day, screwing anything that's handy,
taking dope constantly and stealing and whoring in the streets at night.
Your mother can't even condone that kind of behavior.
Well, I haven't heard any complaints from her.
And I think she's quite happy with the way I'm conducting myself.
As a matter of fact, she told me she thought
I was a very brave and charming young lady,
and she couldn't be prouder.
And she also told me that she'd had it with you.
You get on her nerves. Excess baggage!
As a matter of fact, she's out right this minute looking for you to tell you so.
And l'll laugh my ass off when I see your face after she's through.
All I can say is I wish somebody'd give me my pay.
Well, nobody's going to, so why don't you just get your clothes on and get out? Huh?
What do you think of that?
I think you ought to keep your fucking mouth shut.
- Don't say “fuck” to me. - Look, Mr. Fag Man!
You didn't hire me, and you're not gonna fire me!
- Is that right? - Calm down! Calm down!
Sit down!
You'll get your pay! Don't worry about that.
I oughta let him rip your ass apart.
And we'll see who gets fired!
Mother doesn't make many mistakes in her life,
but when she does, she sure picks a lemon.
God, you make me puke!
This is my house, and I'm only being gracious enough.
God, I'm trying to respect my mother's wishes too
by letting you stay here.
God. I hope she changes her mind about a few people,
as I suspect she will!
I'm going out.
MR. DAVID: Huh.
This whole thing is making me sick.
And “Mr. Fag Man”? What's that supposed to mean?
Why don't you just keep your fucking mouth shut, all right?
Even if I was a fag, as I'm sure you realize is not the case,
you would be my very last choice as a mate, I can assure you.
Even Liberace would be more appealing to anyone with the particular neurosis
you so rudely attribute to me.
Oh, you're both horrible and disgusting. I hope you're not here when I get back.
I don't ever want to lay eyes on your faces again.
I hate you!
You've driven me from my own home!
-(gunshot) -(Screaming)
Oh, Mr. David! I thought it was her! She saw me! I had to!
MR. DAVID: Aim at him! Aim at him!
Mr. David, I thought it was her!
She saw me. She scared me. She looked me right in the eye.
Aim at him. Aim at him. Aim at him. Aim at him.
- Should I kill him too? - Just if he tries anything, shoot him.
- What are you people doing? - Being awfully polite now, aren't you?
Get on the floor, with your head down! l'll cover him.
Some rope in the kitchen. Tie him up and gag him.
Keep your hands down and don't move an inch,
or I'll shoot your brains out!
- Stupid fool. -l'm sorry. I know it was dumb.
But I saw her, and she scared me. I didn't hear you call.
- Who is she? - Divine's daughter.
Oh, God.
I feel kind of bad about it. But everything will be all right, won't it?
Yes, it'll be all right. Just quick, hurry! She'll be home any minute.
We've gotta hide them. We've got to act as though nothings wrong.
Nothing is wrong! Everything's still goes as planned.
I guess. We've just got to hurry, that's all.
He called us lesbians, that pig.
Cops are always hassling me.
Just 'cause I'm pretty, they think I'm a whore.
But as far as being gay, how long have you been a lesbian?
Gay? Oh, I'm no lesbian. At least not until a little while ago anyway.
You're the first female I ever did anything with.
Well, I'm glad I was the one. Would your boyfriend be mad?
Well, who knows what that moron would think?
I can't even think after that copper. I tell ya, Mink, I got one once.
It was a real kick. Ran him down in my Eldorado.
And then there was another one, one time back in California.
He gave me a warning ticket, but I wouldn't take it.
That was the last goddamn warning ticket he ever gave.
But you know, I never got one with my bare hands, and I'd sure like to.
Well, I just tried to be polite so we could get away from him.
I think they have my description in one of their files.
It's getting so I can't even step in a First Friday service
without somebody getting uptight.
And now my whole day is ruined.
You had me all worked up thinking I was going to get to perform Extreme Unction
on your boyfriend and his date.
Now we can't. I knew it was too good to be true.
Oh, don't you worry yourself about that, honey.
We'll get them, all right. I can guarantee you that.
We'll go back to my daughter's place. That's where we're staying while we're in town.
Oh, you'll love my little Cookie.
She's the only thing in the world I have to be proud of.
A real little lady. Mmm. They'll be there, all right.
He's chickenshit to stay away.
- Well, who will you say I am? - My new girlfriend, Mink.
- Here comes that copper again. - Hey, I thought I told you two to beat it.
Oh, Officer, we're trying to leave, but we can't find the bus stop.
We're lost. Will you help us?
-It's up Broadway. - I thought it was up that way.
- Up where? - Up there.
- Ah, Mink. - Get him, Divine! Get him!
LADY DIVINE: Help me! Help me!
Ha-ha! Just like ropin' hogs, ain't it, hon?
Come on, we got two more dead creeps waitin' up at my place.
Let's put her back there.
All right. If there's room.
We have to go through with it now. If Divine sees this, she'll die.
She'll be foaming at the mouth.
- Be careful. - She's heavy.
This place is a big enough mess as it is.
This excites me, Mr. David. Does it excite you?
- In what way? - You know.
(Mr. David grunts)
- Don't you ever think of anything else? - Yes, but it's all boring.
Ooh. Let me get her feet up here.
There.
Right. We gotta clean this place, make sure there's no blood around.
- Get me a rag. - All right. We've got to hurry.
We've got to make new plans.
Here's one. Go on.
Jesus. Oh.
Help me get this stuff up.
It's him.
“Arrest weirdo in Tate murder”?
Oh, God.
She was lying all the time.
The whole thing. That cruel bitch!
“Charles Watson,
Patricia Krenwinkel, Charles Man -”
I never heard of these people.
Oh, Christ!
That lying bastard.
Lying about what? About what, Mr. David?
She can't even harm me now. She was lying about the whole thing.
Just to keep me in line.
Lying about what?
- Sharon Tate. - You knew her?
Oh, God. Sharon Tate.
Jesus. Okay.
Oh. What's that? She's home.
Oh, my God.
- Where? Where should I go? - Here's the gun.
She thinks I've been here all the time. We gotta just -
Sit down. Just sit on the sofa.
Here, cover the gun with this.
- What should I do? Tell me, Mr. David! - Jesus, just don't make a mistake.
I'll cough. That's your signal. Keep alert.
All right. I'm nervous, Mr. David. But it's all for you.
- Okay. -lt's all for you.
Here she comes.
Where's Cookie?
- She went out. - Out where?
- Just out, that's all. - Oh, that's a lie.
Why do you bring these sluts to my daughter's apartment?
- That's not very polite. - Oh, I notice you're not alone.
Oh, yeah? What do you got to say about that?
Nothing. I'm just rather surprised at your taste, that's all.
- And what's that supposed to mean? - Take it for what it's worth.
Not much coming from a shit like you.
This is Mink Stole. She's gonna be traveling with me for a while.
Oh, so you finally turned dyke. Well, I'm not surprised.
Dyke? Look who's talkin', all peroxided up.
And what's with her? She some kind of a mute?
- I can talk. - Well, say something real cute then, honey.
Lady Divine, there's no reason for us to be mean to each other.
Mr. David and I are in love, and you have someone else too.
So there's no reason for any hard feelings.
Oh, God, she can talk. How unfortunate.
Sit down, Mink. Make yourself comfortable.
I've got something to tend to in the kitchen.
Well, I hope you two will be very happy together.
Yeah? Well, I don't like people calling me a dyke.
Especially when it's obvious you have extremely perverted tastes yourself.
Mr. David, I can only take so much of this kind of talk,
especially from a common lesbian.
A common lesbian?
Well, my dear, at least I'm not a bleach-blonde hussy
that goes around screwing unhired gigolos.
Quiet! Remember, you are speaking to someone who's miles above your element.
I mean, where did she meet you? On the streets?
Or were you her gym instructor or something?
Lady Divine, this asshole is getting awful disrespectful to me.
And his scummy little girlfriend too.
I mean, I can only sit around here and be insulted by turds for so long.
Everybody has a limit.
- Where's Rick? - He quit.
Oh, that's a lie too.
Well, he did.
He quit because you had still had not paid him.
Oh, was I talking to you, miss?
He demanded money from me. I wouldn't give it to him, so he left.
Oh, you fired him, and you know it! You can't lie to me. You know that.
Maybe you can pull the shit over on this little trick.
But, honey, I'm Lady Divine. Just remember that.
And give me credit for a little intelligence.
Well, at least I'm not a fat hog like you!
- Oh, God! - Shoot her! Shoot her!
(all shouting)
(grunting)
Enough!
- Oh, Divine! - You're next. Take that and cover me.
- MINK: Can I do it now? - Do anything you like.
She's all yours.
But hurry 'cause pretty soon you'll have a backlog of work to do.
- Divine, think what you're doing. - You knew she had that gun.
You were going to let her kill me.
You couldn't do it yourself, you slimy coward.
Oh, you don't scare me anymore. I know about Sharon Tate.
They arrested three people for killing her today, and I didn't even know them!
- Who'd they arrest? - Three people in California.
Two guys and some girl named Patricia.
Yeah, maybe they got the wrong people, huh?
It's the right people. lt's headlines. I don't know what you were trying to do.
Yeah? Well, I don't see why that makes too much difference right now.
You know, so what?
I mean, since in a minute I'm going to dismember you
-in front of your very eyes! - Divine, plea -
I wonder how it'll feel to be hacked to pieces with a butcher knife.
- You think it'll hurt? - Be human! Six years.
- You can't wipe it out that easy. -l'm having no trouble.
Oh, Divine, no. Be human. Be a little human.
Oh, God.
MINK: Um, I'm finished. ls he ready yet?
Oh, now he is!
(Mr. David screaming)
(grunting, panting)
Mmm.
(panting continues)
(laughing)
Oh, Divine, what a wonderful afternoon. I loved to do it.
You can't imagine. lt's like fucking Jesus.
I mean, performing Extreme Unction is practically the most erotic
and stimulating thing I can imagine.
Look, Mink, look! He's just meat now.
Common ground beef!
And he deserves it! God, I loved doing it too.
You don't know the feeling it gives me when the knife goes in.
At first it resists a little. After that, it's almost a letdown.
Oh, but I loved doing it.
Oh, Mink. Oh, it's wonderful.
Isn't there anybody else we could do it on? I mean, I'm all worked up.
There's nobody left. Nobody!
- We could find someone. - Who though? Who?
God, there are hundreds of people I have in my fantasies.
Ann-Margret. Tricia Nixon. Shirley Temple. The pope!
Oh, and, Mink, we could go on for days. It'd be wonderful.
Ronald Reagan and his family, the entire Baltimore City Police Force
and Barbra Streisand!
This will be a day I can never forget. I have experienced raw happiness.
(Mink screams)
-(gunshot) -(screaming continues)
You fool! You fool! You killed Ricky!
- You fool! Idiot! - I didn't know.
He scared me. I thought one of them was still alive. I didn't know!
You killed the only person that didn't betray me!
- And you killed him! - Don't make me, Divine!
- You killed him! - I don't want to, Divine!
-(Divine shouts) -(Mink screams)
(laughing hysterically)
(grunting)
Oh, Divine, you're still beautiful!
Nothing that has happened can change that.
I love you. I love your sickness.
I love your crimes. I love your murders!
Oh! Oh, Divine, I love your twisted mind.
I love you so much.
Oh, and you're still the most beautiful woman in the world!
Nothing can change that!
Oh, Divine!
And now - And now you're a maniac.
Oh, but what a state of mind that can be!
How exciting! How stimulating!
Oh! And now you're alone, alone the way it should be,
the way it will be!
(laughing)
Cookie! Cookie! Cookie!
Oh, Cookie! Cookie!
Oh, my baby! Cookie!
Cookie! (crying) Oh, God!
Oh, Cookie!
Cookie! (crying continues)
Oh! Oh, Cookie!
Cookie! Oh!
Oh, Cookie.
(crying continues) Cookie.
You're finally there. You're finally there, Divine.
And you don't ever want to go back.
Oh.
I have to go out now. I better change.
Oh. Oh, Divine.
You have to go out in the world in your own way now.
You know it's all right.
You know no one can hurt you.
You know no one can even get near you.
You have X-ray eyes now
and you can breathe fire.
You can stomp out shopping centers with one step of your foot.
You can wipe out entire cities with one blast of your fiery breath.
You are a monster now,
and only a monster can realize the fulfillment I am capable of feeling.
Oh, Divine, it's so wonderful to feel this far gone,
this far into one's own depravity.
I am a maniac.
A maniac that cannot be cured.
Oh, Divine.
Oh, I am Divine!
(loud rattling)
(screaming)
(screaming continues)
Lobstora!
(screaming continues)
Oh, God!
Oh!
(screaming continues)
(groaning)
Oh.
Oh. Oh.
(panting)
(panting continues)
(laughing)
N (dramatic instrumental)
N (continues)
N' (dramatic instrumental continues)
(crowd shrieking)
(screaming)
(Lady Divine growling)
(screaming)
(laughing)
(people clamoring)
(screaming continues)
(grunting)
(Lady Divine shouting)
Ready! Aim! Fire!
(gunfire)
(gunfire continues)
CHORUS: ♪ America I
♪ >J' America' ♪
♪ >J' May God thy gold refine' ♪
♪ >J' Till all success' ♪
♪ >J' Be nobleness' ♪
♪ >J' And every gain' ♪
♪ >J' Divine J'!
TopTeo.com